A Beautiful Mess: A New Thing

A New Season. Once the seed has been under ground, covered, broken open, rooted and established a crop springs forth. Then it's time for the Harvest.

Forget the former things;
do not dwell on the past.
See I am doing a new thing!
Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?
I am making a way in the desert
and streams in the wasteland.
Isaiah 43:18-19

I am a closet clutter queen. Literally, I stuff my closets with my clutter and hope and pray that no one sees it. I give myself the title queen because...well, I can, and because it makes it sound a little less emabarrassing and shameful.

Embarassing and shameful. Those are words that can cut deep. But truly, this is what I feel when I look at or think about my clutter problem.

But those doors that had been shut up and had hid my clutter were flung open wide, thankfully not for the world to see, but for my eyes specifically.

Let me back up. On October 10th I began a Daniel Fast. This is a type of fasting a person does for health or spiritual reasons. It is based on the scriptures in Daniel chapter 1. You eat anything that came from a seed that has not been processed and drink water only. My purposes for the fast were spiritual. As I started out I had an idea in my mind of what my prayers would be directed toward. That quickly changed. I thought other's hearts needed to change. Little did I know my heart would be the most affected.

On the first night of my fast I had a heated conversation. The person with whom I was speaking made mention of looking in a mirror. These words stung and branded my heart but I believe they were a Holy Catalyst. I held on to them, at first out of hurt, bitterness and anger, but then out of a desperate desire to see what others see.

"Anyone who listens to the word but does not do what it says is like a man who looks at his face in a mirror and, after looking at himself, goes away and immediately forgets what he looks like. But the man who looks intently into the perfect law that gives freedom, and continues to do this, not forgetting what he has heard , but doing it--he will be blessed in what he does." James 1:23-25

I starred at myself. I starred good and hard and long. First I saw the lines. The tiny wrinkles reflecting the experiences and the years. I saw the things I try so hard, every day, to cover up. I looked into my own eyes, the window of my soul, and I saw something ugly.

Pride.

Typing it is hard enough. Pushing the "Post" button will be an act of humility but that's exactly what I need.

Gently, but without relief, the Lord pressed. Pushing me through the fire that would purify and refresh me. And He brought me to His Word. I began to read it with new eyes. Eyes that desperately longed to know the freedom His perfect law gives.

He showed me things. My pride was seeded in my need to be perfect, to follow all the rules and do my very best to be good enough. For others it can be the opposite, seeded in rebellion, making your own rules.

Pride is dangerous. It is a weed that chokes out all that is good. It suffocates and closes off the receptors to what God is doing. Pride says, "I have it under control." It couples itself with idolatry and we become our own gods. After all, if I can be good enough, what do I need God for?
I have learned: I am not good enough, nor, will I ever be.

And it's okay.

I am not justified by my closets. I am not justified by being the best...wife, mom, person...The only one who can make me right, the only one who can make this desperate rule follower free is the one who actually did follow all the rules for me...He fulfilled them by following them all the way to the cross.

I am not justified by my baking skills...thank you, Jesus!!!

As hard as it's been, as the tears have flowed daily, I have slowly felt my heart transform. The anecdote? Humility. Yes, it's obvious, but the daily practices are subtle and easy to miss.

I have confessed, to God and to others. Confession is so important. Telling someone, out loud, brings it's own freedom.

I have prayed. I am a pray-er. This is how God meets me and I meet Him. I sit before Him and I listen and a speak and I listen and I speak.

I devoured His Word. I really did. Man does not live on bread alone but on every word that comes from the mouth of God. This has become so real to me. I am so thankful for the revelation.

I have served. I heard a sermon from our pastor last weekend. He spoke of Jesus washing the feet of the disciples. Jesus saw a need. He got down and did what needed to be done. So often, I let things go for others to do. I am now seeing things that need to be done and asking the Lord to give me a servant's heart and do them...nothing magnificent, things like the laundry and the dishes. The things I did before seeking recognition, a merit of "good enough," now doing the things that need to be done with a heart of gratitude for what's been done for me.

I am not claiming perfection. It would be counter-productive at this point. But I feel a new thing happening in my heart.

Today I am thankful for that new thing. I am thankful that my God continues to pursue me even when I work for my righteousness or when I give in and rebel. I am thankful He is not done with me. I am thankful that He is always doing a new thing.

On a day set aside to remember what we are thankful for, I am thankful for all the hard things...all the pain and all the suffering that has revealed my need for a Savior.

Thank you, God, for taking my mess and making it beautiful. Not because of anything I have done but because of all that You have done.

Happy Thanksgiving.
May you see the new thing He wants to do in you.
And with a heart of gratitude, let Him do it.