My Lent Project

Getting ready for Valentine's Day.

 

It’s been three days since lent began. 

I remember, clearly, for four years of high school, walking the giant flight of stairs to the gym.  In dress uniform, the girls climbed to what felt as far as heaven, to gather for Mass.  One at a time we would be marked.  A cross on our foreheads.  Ashes. A sign of repentance.  A reminder to turn toward Jesus.

I wish I would have understood that then. 

God has reminded me today what He can do with a repentant heart.  What if I knew then what I know now?  Would I chase the same dreams?

A dreaming boy after a hard time falling asleep.

I need to focus on what I do know now.  I know that Lent has begun and this girl who grew up going through the motions of it but not fully understanding it, is ready to embrace it and be transformed by it.

Hallelujah. 

So I searched my heart.  Truth be known, I have been searching for a while.  Desperate to know what the next step is.  Hungry for more.  And Tuesday, it hit me.  Like a tidal wave that had been building for months, years, perhaps my lifetime, it hit me. 

Fear.

I don’t want to be afraid anymore.  Afraid of people’s opinions.  Afraid of parking lots.  Afraid of not being accepted.  Afraid of being rejected.  

Afraid I might leave.  No more fear, sweet boy.

It is time.  Yes, it is time.  I know in my head that I don’t want to live this way.  I don’t want to blow away with the winds of compromise because I am scared to say what I know or what I believe. I want my words to hold weight of wisdom and conviction.  I want to speak truth…in love…but always truth.

I want to say, surely, my trust is in the Lord.  I have placed my confidence in Him.  And when I say it, I want to mean it.

So, I’m giving up a few things.  For the next six weeks, from now until the sun rises on Easter Sunday, I will be asking God to break things, break me, break through.  I am creating space and removing the things I numbingly go to for acceptance, “community”, inspiration, and affirmation. 

So, for Lent, I am giving up social media.  Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Pinterest. 

I realize that I am not the first to fast from social media.  It is always healthy to take a break from the screens in our lives.  But more importantly, for me, I want space to trust in God alone for ALL my needs. 

I will also not be reading any BLOGS! I'm in pursuit of my own voice.

This kids got a voice...but now he doesn't have a guitar!

I want to keep writing.  I want to share my stories.  I want to bless others and encourage people.  I want people to know that they are not alone and there is great hope in the One we can call our Savior.  He binds up the broken hearted.  He sets captives free. 

But first, I need to be set free so I can tell the truth…the whole truth and nothing but the truth.  So help me, God.

I will keep writing.  Starting this third day of the Lenten season and culminating on the third day that changed the world.

It changed me.

I’m praying that through this I will discover my voice.  As I sing along through the next 40-some days I will speak afresh and anew.

I know it’s there.  I’m ready for it to be unlocked so I can tell the world, without fear, how fearfully and wonderfully made each creature is by a creator who loves them.

You are loved.  Not because of anything you ever did.  Just because.

I will leave it there for now.  Let it sink in.

Blessings this Lent and looking forward to The Third Day. 

The Mommy and The Bug.  I pray she knows how fearfully and wonderfully made she is.