Sunday, February 17, 2013

Whom Shall I fear?

She’s learning to ride her bike without training wheels. 

It's hard to believe this was only 3 1/2 years ago.  (Photo taken by Amanda at April Smith Photography)


She can get her own snacks out of the refrigerator now.

My favorite thing is when she sings along in the car…at the top of her lungs.

Honestly, the child has been singing along with songs for a while.  I don’t mean to be that mom on the popular talents competition shows that says, “She’s been singing since birth!”  But, that’s exactly what I’m saying. 

Now singing and...dancing.

When she had just turned two, right around the time the Little Man was born, she had a favorite song on the Veggie Tales Oh, Brother Where are Thou? CD.  She would sing along with the chorus and everyone that heard her do it would melt as she sang, “Ba Ba Ba…I’m a little sheep!”  Adorable.

But as her little legs have grown a little longer and her baby face has leaned out a little more and her little fingers have stretched further, her little voice has become clearer and louder.  And, when she sings, she is passionate, committed and full of life.

We were driving to church one Saturday night and her current “favorite” song shuffled to the top of my playlist.  She began to sing at the top of her lungs…every word of the song…she knew them and she sang those words like she believed them.

I pulled out my phone to record the moment.  I had heard her do it before.  She learned it fast and asked for it every time we got in the car but in that particular moment I knew that I needed to remember it…for both of us.

I played it for good friends…friends that love her and know her Ba Ba Ba phase.  I played it for our small group.  I played it for myself over and over.

A few weeks ago I watched it up on the big screens in our main church service. I stood there and she stood on the chair next to me…excited to see herself but more excited they were going to sing her favorite song.

I know who goes before me,
I know who stands behind,
The God of angel armies
Is always by my side.

Whom shall I fear?

When I think about my sweet babies the last thing I want for them is to fight that battle.  I don’t want them to be afraid like I have been.




I have felt that way for a while now…so I began praying about it…a while ago.

It’s no secret to those that are close to me and maybe even those that don’t know me but read what I write, that I am a huge advocate of the power of prayer.  I have seen it move mountains in people’s lives.

This weekend I experienced God demolish a mountain in my own life.

As with most things spiritual, it’s hard to explain, but I will do my best with the words that tumble out of my very full heart. 

I have found when something happens in a heart it’s hard to articulate.  It often takes time to show itself in a life, in a way of living a life, I should say.

But this is what I can tell you with certainty:

  • God awakened my heart to prayer, again, at this time last year while I was awake at night with my Little Man.

  • I began to dream again.

  • I began to pray for people that would come to my mind.  And when I didn’t know what to pray anymore I asked the Holy Spirit to pray through me, and He did, just as the Scriptures says He does.

  • I committed certain people to prayer for seasons at a time.  I asked God to lead me to scripture to pray for them.  He did.

  • I tried fasting.  It was hard but it changed my prayer life.  It stretched me and took me deeper.

  • I wrote things down…not just here…but in a journal.  (When I die, whoever finds these journals may think I was certifiably insane…oh, well!  My best friend, who journals also, told her husband to never read hers…just burn them…perhaps I should have that conversation with my Fly.)

  • I prayed with other people.  This was HUGE.  When doubt crept in, when I sensed His face was hidden from me, when I was unsure and needed wise counsel…others came alongside and joined me in pursuit of what God was doing.

So when Friday came, and some ladies joined together to pray for me, for our church, for The Church, it was not unthinkable or unimaginable that God might show up and move a mountain.  It wasn’t unthinkable or unimaginable but I did not expect it.  I did not expect it to be so simple and so powerful all at the same time.

In the course of 3 days, prayers I have been praying for at least 10 years, and probably longer, have been answered.

10 years for 3 days.

It was worth it.

Our Pastor talked about three days this weekend. A Friday, A Saturday, A Sunday That Changed The World.  Those days that Lent prepares us for.   I mentioned three days on Friday.  The past three days have been transformational…ushering in new things…new hope…new life.

It never ceases to amaze me how God lines things up and comes to a person from all sides.  Some call it Providence.

Yesterday morning I looked at the mountains above our house.  They were so clear.  Later that morning I was reminded,

Those who trust in the Lord are like Mount Zion,
    which cannot be shaken but endures forever.
                                    Psalm 125:1

Tonight I go to bed, trusting in a new way.  Holding to promises I saw Him keep.  Peace and courage now residing in the deep places.  Believing with the conviction of child like faith, 

I know who goes before me,
I know who stands behind,
The God of angel armies
Is always by my side.

Whom shall I fear?


So, what does my tumbling of words mean for you tonight, friend?  I don’t  know that they make much sense but I can tell you sometimes sense is over-rated.

My truth-telling for the night:

Not only does He love you just because.  But He cares.  He cares so much that He listens to your cries.  He knows what keeps you up at night.  And, if you engage it, if you are willing to walk the days of pain, the days of waiting…you will experience the transformation.

The third day always comes.



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