Memorize

 I am memorizing more this year.  I was inspired by three best friends and the “Siestas” over at the LPM blog.  (Um, I love Beth Moore.  I have learned so much from her.  Sometimes I think we are really friends.  I also think that Monica, Rachel, Phoebe, Chandler, Ross and Joey are my friends too.  Sometimes I have a problem identifying reality…topic for another post, I guess.)

Back to reality…

I have always had a knack for memorizing.  However, when it comes to memorizing scripture I often find myself making silent excuses.  The idea floats by and I pretend that I have more important things to do.

The truth is that if I really made it a discipline I know I could do it well.  I am a trained memorizer.  I basically majored in memorizing.  (I was a theater major…well, technically a communications major with a theater emphasis but it’s a long story…again, perhaps another post.)

My heart began to feel convicted as I could easily recall my very first memorized line from my debut performance as a three year old playing the Shoemaker’s wife in the classic tale of The Elves and The Shoemaker.  I can recite monologues from Shakespeare’s Taming of the Shrew, The Tempest and Romeo and Juliet, however, my Scripture memory bank consists of verses like Jeremiah 29:11 and John 3:16.  Both are powerful, both are living and active, breathed words from the mouth of God, but there is so much more.

This last fall I read a book called The Heavenly Man.  It changed my mind, no, it changed my heart, about memorizing scripture.  It made me crave it…like carbs.  The book is about a man named Brother Yun and his story of spreading the Gospel in China through the 80’s and 90’s.  His story is inspiring.  It taught me and gave me knew and fresh perspective.  But one of the greatest things I took away was how God ministered to him and others because of the Word that was written on his heart…in a place that no one could destroy or take from him. 

I wanted that.  I wanted more of His Word to well up in me in the hours of my greatest joys and greatest despair.  It is “sharper than a double-edged sword, splitting bone and marrow.”  It fights.  It gives hope.  It brings healing.  It creates…love, beauty, clean hearts.  It is powerful and when spoken, it gives life.

So, I started here.  This is the first one.  I found it.  No, I was brought to it.

January 1^st

Psalm 104:33

I will sing to the LORD all the days of my life.  I will sing praise to the LORD while I have my being.

It is a gem.  I have turned it and chewed on it and savored it. I have been inspired.  I have been transformed.  I am singing again…at the top of my lungs.  Really. ask my neighbors.

As I began to sing loudly, everyday, I began to feel free and something wonderful happened.  God used this verse to plant a new thing in my heart.  Right now it is a seed, but it’s growing.  I hope to share it with you soon.

More music makers in my home.

The middle of the month came fast.  I memorized this one next.

January 15^th

Psalm 27:8

When you said, “Seek my face,” my heart said, “Your face, LORD, I will seek.”

This one was reminiscent and a driving force simultaneously.  Last February, I felt God say this to me…not in these exact words then but this is the exact Word to describe the scene now.  Through promptings, miracles and visions of His over-arching, never-ceasing love in the day but mostly in the night hours awake with my Little Man, God told me to seek His face.  

I saw the sky like this one night right after my heart was set to seek His face.  I couldn't help but see His Glory.  Looking at it again tonight it looks like a horse pulling a chariot...that's on fire...wow.

I sought it out through worship in prayer.  On my knees, rocking in a big blue chair, scrubbing Johnson & Johnson in baby fine hair and curly locks…I sought…it was either that or drown in exhaustion and believe the lies that I wasn’t doing anything of any importance.

Remember when He said, “Seek me and you will find me…”  It’s true.  I did and I did.  And, I’m not the same. 

My heart, my will, everything in me, knew I needed more.  I didn’t have anything left to give.  So I sought the one who gave it all for me.  In real weakness I experienced His real strength.  And, I’m not done.  That’s the beautiful thing.  We get to seek and continue to seek.  Don’t ever stop.  There is so much more.

Tomorrow is February 1^st.  Here is my number 3.

Psalm 119:103

 How sweet are Your words to my taste,

Sweeter than honey to my mouth!

The Bible is always equating its words to my greatest cravings.   Sweets and Bread.  Sugar and Carbs.  

Left overs from a night of good food, good friends and good laughs.  If you leave sweets at my house I WILL eat them.  All of them.  You have been warned.

 So, here I am.  Three verses in and 21 to go.  I write them out by hand every day.  That’s how I would memorize my lines in a play.  When the muscles in my hands worked the words to the paper I would see them and read them in my own handwriting, learning the part, the person I would play.  I would identify as I began to make-believe they were words from my very own heart.

When I write His Words in my own hand-writ, I see them, and do-believe them and receive them into my very own heart.  And, I start to remember. 

I said I would write more this year…not just my own words, though.  I want to write His Words on my heart so that The Word will be the overflow pouring out of my mouth as I speak and my fingers as I type.  I’m praying, this year, I will sing more, and sing louder.  I’m praying I will not stop seeking.  I’m praying I will crave His Word like never before.

The Bug said, "Smell it, Mommy.  It smells like sunshine."  Oh, that we may be child-like!!!

And, I desperately want others to experience this too.

So. Why not join me?  

One more...since it is #throwbackthursday, after all.  Me, singing As Long As He Needs Me, as Nancy in Oliver.  I will never forget this moment.  I was loud.

If I Die

They play together now.

“He hit me!!”

I’ve heard this too many times in the past few days.  I scoop him up and place him in the time out spot.  We don’t spank.  We have our own personal reasons why we don’t.  You may have strong opposing opinions.  I respect them.  But now that I’m 31 I don’t feel like I have to agree with you and we can still be lovely friends.  (Look at me, growing up!)

I tell the Little Man why he was in time out.  I say, “We do not hit.  Show me gentle.”  He leans in for a hug.  With tears sliding down his cheeks he rubs his face into my shirt.  My mama shoulder wipes the residual wetness from his face and eyes as he buries his head next to mine.  

It's always more fun when you turn the toys upside down.

I tell him to go and tell his sister he is sorry.  He walks up to her and in his baby voice with his baby words he says it.  She understands. 

“I forgive you.” 

And they play on. 

I sit and watch them and think to myself, “How do I do this better?  How do I teach and correct and guide?  How do I steer them away from my own pitfalls and shortcomings?”

I check my email on my phone, my habit for when I am overwhelmed with thoughts and want to disengage.  Then I see one of the blogs I love to read.

I look through the older email seeing if there is something else to read but I am drawn back to it, my soul just knowing that I need to read it, my spirit urging me on.

My eyes well up and I am so grateful her words.  They bring me peace and remind me of grace.

As I continue to fight this battle of what it looks like to live a life not perfect but being perfected I hang on to reminders that grace covers me…and them.

He is so active these days.  He keeps me moving...running I should say.

I wrote about Legacy not long ago.  So, now all of this has me thinking of what I want to leave behind.  Coincidentally, I had a dream last night that I was going to die and I told the Fly that there were 3 things I wanted him to make sure the kids knew and understood.

They are loved.

Be in authentic and faith-filled community.

Pray real prayers.

If I could add one more today, I would say,

And always, no matter what, Forgive.

She loves to hang.  On anything.  Even me. 

Only forgiveness frees us up and unlocks the chains that keep us from understanding and fully experiencing the others listed above.

I know that I will try hard and I will fail hard as I stumble and stride down the path of “leaving legacy.”  But, my hope is, when they are grown and they wash their own clothes and feed their own bellies they will continue to say, “I forgive you.”

Resolve

It’s 21 days into the new year and I want to write.  For fifteen minutes every night,  I want to write.  I want to get better at getting the thoughts that race through my mind during the day onto paper…or the screen.  

I am beginning to see Him everywhere.  Some days I find that the desire to tell my story, His story, overwhelms me.  Then the small people in my life overwhelm me and between all of the feelings of being overwhelmed the holy moments slip through and I forget them as soon as I realize them.

The Uncle and the Bug.  "Tend-Pre"  dinner.  I don't want to let this one slip.  It's too precious.

So, although I don’t believe in resolutions, mainly because I always fail, I am asking God to give me the resolve to write…everyday. 

Grace is a huge word in my vocabulary.  It is much needed…more than calcium or vitamin C, in my opinion, mainly because I forget to take those things too.  Grace will be needed.

So here we go. 

Lord, help me to capture your heart on the page. 

This boy captures my heart.  He's the cutest little trouble maker. 

 Good night 2012.  Thank you for waking me up.  Thank you for bringing me back to life.

Take One.  Hilarious. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Take two.  This is my side of the family in front of the "Grizwold Family Christmas Tree."  Seriously, that sucker was 12 feet high.  I love these people and our tendencies for the extravagant.

 

Cheers to 2013.  Oh, how I welcome you and the new thing that springs up!