30

Today is the day.  I am 30.  I have to tell the truth and say that I really was not looking forward to today.  But, now that it is here, I am embracing it and truly feel excited about what it represents. 

For a while there 30 scared me.  My preconceived ideas were made up of images of myself as a much less attractive and much more boring version of myself.  I really don't where these thoughts and images came from because when I look at my friends who are in there 30's, 40's and even 50's and 60's, I see beautiful women and attractive men who carry themselves with confidence.  I see men and women who have lived life and have learned lessons.  I see men and women who have lines on their faces that could represent their age but could also represent how often they've laughed and smiled. 

And  let me tell you, my friends, both, the men and women that have entered the decades past the twenties are so NOT boring.  Actually they are far more interesting because the speak and live out of experience. 

When I look back at the last decade I see 10 years of, "A Beautiful Mess."  I started the decade as a young woman who had just fallen in love...with that man I would spend the rest of my life with and with my Savior.  I was young, immature, bold in my dreams, confident that God had a great plan for me and a bit more arrogant and selfish than I would like to admit.

Those first 3 years of my twenties were crazy!  I learned about my God and who He created me to be at an exponential rate.  He set me on the fast track for sure.  Thanks to my amazing university, Azusa Pacific University (Woot!  Woot!) and the community I found there, and thanks to Hillside Community Church (Woot!  Woot!)  and the community I found there, I had people surrounding me on all sides pouring into me.  There were a few key women who I will never be able to thank enough for their love and guidance and PRAYERS in that time. 

During that time the Fly and I grew as individuals and together and although I would have said yes the day after our first Disneyland date...my sweet, wise, planner of a husband knew waiting was a better plan.  I hate to admit it, and especially where so many will witness it, but he was right...at least once.

By the end of those first 3 years I had graduated college, started a masters and credential program, got a job teaching Kindergarten, got engaged, got married, got a job as a youth pastor to junior high students and moved into a cute little apartment with my new husband.  I had learned not only that Jesus loved me and had a plan to use me in His Kingdom but I also learned of the amazing healing that one can experience by being in relationship with Him.  I learned that my bad choices and mistakes no longer defined me.  I learned that I was a "New Creation."  I was given a second chance at doing life.  I also learned of the tool that would come most handy in the next 7 years...prayer.  My prayer life changed and instead of praying only prayers of defense and desperation I learned to pray from the offense...prayers that produced change...not because of me...but because I knew what my Jesus was capable of.

The next 6 years were good and hard in that way you feel after an intense workout...where you have to crawl to your shower to clean yourself up and drink 42 oz of gatorade or water because you are positive that there is nothing left inside of you.   Working at Hillside was one of the greatest privileges and one of the greatest challenges I have had.  As many of you know, I had planned a long career of  entertaining people, not teaching rambunctious junior high students about how God loves them, has not forgotten them and has a great plan for each of their lives.

But, just like a good workout, those years were so good for me as much as I ached at times.  They were rich with friendships, the kind that last and go deep.  They were filled with lessons, the kind that make you cry, think, reflect and apply.  They were filled with laughter, the kind that makes your belly hurt.  They were filled with heartache, the kind where you don't know anything to do but cry out to a God you hope has not forsaken you or someone you care about.  They were filled with teenagers, the kind that don't trust you right away, but once they learn you are for them and not against them, they hug you, talk to you and ask you to pray for them.  They were filled with those teenager's parents, the kind that are in desperate need to know that their teenager is not going off the deep end, the kind that have taught me so much about being the kind of parent that raises kids who love God.  They were filled with hopes both achieved and dashed.  They were filled with creativity both stifled and unleashed.  Those years impressed upon me the truth that I was placed on earth with a purpose that was more others-centered than self-centered.  They were so messy and so beautiful.

The last three years though, those have been the hardest, but in the best way.  The Bug came along and changed my life for the better.  The Fly and I can not imagine our lives without our boisterous, joyful and life-filled Bug.  Then came my Little Man...who I can tell is completely different than his big sister.  His little personality is starting to show.  He lets me hold him and hug him longer than she would:).  And his deep belly laughs bring tears to my eyes.  He is a giant Little Man who has brought even more joy into our lives. 

The last three years have taught me even more how life is not about me...and that, in a strange way, is what I am most excited about.  I feel like, in my twenties, it was all about figuring myself out...what I wanted, what I needed.  Finally, I have found the joy in what it means to serve others...funny, you'd think I would have figured that out with working in ministry...and I did to a degree...but it has intensified recently.

So, 30's, I welcome you...with open arms and smile that is beginning to leave permanent lines in my face.  I know you will be messy.  I know you will be hard but I also know you will be beautiful and full.  There will be lots of laughing at the Fly, the Bug and the Little Man...and any others that might come along:)...there will be tears because they are part of life...and, let's be honest, part of my everyday.  There will be more stories and I plan to tell them because I want to remember and I want to learn.  There will be adventures and I embrace them...even the scary ones that I can't control.

I must get back to the kiddos now, Little Man is screeching and The Bug is running out of things to keep her occupied while I type.  But stay tuned...I plan on writing more, even if they are just short quips of what's going on in the beautiful mess I live in.

Thank you family and friends who have shaped me and poured into my life.  Today, I am celebrating you.