Sowing Season

So...I'm learning to sew.  That's right ladies and gentlemen,  I am slowly but surely domesticating.

Last year for my birthday I asked for a sewing machine.  I had these beautiful images conjured up in this dreamy little head of mine of me, late at night, sitting at my sewing machine, creating masterpieces...costumes, curtains, pillowcases and anything else I could do with paisley fabric.

The Machine

However, no one told me that being pregnant with a toddler who could run circles around you on your good day would mean that every chance I could sit I did just that.  Often that sitting turned into laying down.  The laying down caused my eyelids to get heavy.  The rest is history.  The moment that kiddo would go down for a nap I was out.  Being pregnant is hard work.  Being the Bug's mama is hard work.  Put the two together and I remember why it's difficult for me to form coherent sentences after 6pm.

So...the sewing machine...sat in it's box for a year and week or so until finally, this week, I did it.  I opened the box.  I slid the squeaky Styrofoam right out of that box.  I opened the directions and started with page one.  I took a deep breath and began to read word for word the description of each little piece and what it's function was.  It kind of felt like reading Spanish.  I took enough Spanish in high school and college to make out the gist of what something says...granted it takes me a while.  I know enough "head knowledge" about sewing to know things like the bobbin is an important feature.  I'm not really sure what it does but I know that without it, there will be no sewing.  (My friends who do sew....or have tried to teach me little bits are laughing at me now.)

To date I have not turned it on or has a piece of fabric graced the "Needle Plate"  but it is out of the box.  And that, my friends, is a victory in itself.

Out of the box!!!

What was it that inspired me to finally dive in and at least look at the real thing rather than stare at the picture every time I came across it?  First, I am in the process of some de-cluttering and the sewing machine lives in the cluttered, catch all, guest room.  Second, I was working on a Bible Study I have been doing on my own in the book of Ruth and it reintroduced the idea of "sowing and reaping" to me.  The study asked me a question, "Are you in a season of sowing or reaping?"  It stumped me...but it also made me think of that machine...sitting in it's box...waiting to be used.

Am I in a season of sowing or reaping?  The Bible uses these terms in a variety of passages.  The idea comes from the farming process of sowing seed and reaping harvest.  God's Word likens it to our journey through life.  There are seasons of pouring in...into ourselves, our relationships, our community, our world and so on.  Then there are seasons of reaping when we see all of our hard work pay off.

The study brought me to Psalm 126.  Verses 5 and 6 say this,

 ⁵ Those who sow in tears
         Shall reap in joy.
 ⁶ He who continually goes forth weeping,
         Bearing seed for sowing,
         Shall doubtless come again with rejoicing,
         Bringing his sheaves with him.

This is the New King James Version...it's my favorite because it sounds so much like Shakespeare:).  Don't judge...I love Shakespeare.

This passage reminded me that the season of sowing is a hard one.  It reminded me that it takes blood, sweat and tears  for a harvest to be produced.  It reminded me that even though I may have many tears throughout my life my God can use them to produce harvest.  This was a good reminder.

It was a good reminder because after some reflection I realized that I am in a sowing season...a sowing season that may actually be one of the very hardest I will ever face.  I like to call this sowing season, "Motherhood."

Me and Little Man

This is a season in which God has entrusted me with His creations.  He has equipped me to guide them and teach them.  He has given me the ability to nourish not only their bellies but also their minds and their hearts.  He has given me the chance to sow into these little ones the truths, the convictions, the passions, the desires to be people who live for the plan He has for each of them; a plan that is designed to reap more than just their own personal successes.

I sat with the Psalm for a little while...marinating in the words.  I thought about tears...my tears.  I have a lot of tears.  My tear button is so sensitive that sometimes I think it malfunctions.  I can be doing dishes and all of sudden tears are streaming down my face.  The funny thing is that a sentence like that is usually followed with a "for no reason at all"...no, my malfunctioning comes from my reasoning.  I may be crying while I'm doing the dishes out of joy because the Bug finally ate a vegetable I didn't have to hide.  It's a sign of growing, maturing...I small sign of reaping from all the sowing I have been doing to get her to eat healthy foods.

So full of Life.

I'm serious, people.  Real tears.

This, as hormone induced as it might sound, is not a new thing for me.  My mother has said for a very long time, "Allison wears her heart on her sleeve."  This is code for, "Allison cries...a lot."  People that know me well...or even just sort of well...are nodding their heads in agreement.

But, I'm not ashamed.  My tears are what bring me to my knees, whether it be out of desperation or joy...celebration or repentance.  My tears shape my prayers and my relationship with God.  My tears are the only way I know how to express my deep passions and compassion.  After reading this Psalm I now know that my tears are not in vain.  They are not just a girl thing.  My tears are part of the sowing process.  My tears, followed with authentic intention and action can reap a harvest of joy.

I have only been a mother for 2 years, 6 months and 13 days.  In that time have cried a lot.  I have prayed a lot.  I have taught my little ones a lot.  However, this is just the beginning.  I know these years are dear and precious and even easy compared to what is to come.

Awesome Hair Day

Therefore, my prayer for this season is that I learn to sow. 

I pray that I learn to sow into my children the knowledge that there is a God that loves them, who created them with a plan and a purpose.  This purpose is beyond themselves.  I want to sow into them a deep compassion for others; a true knowledge and understanding of the power of God's Word to heal and make whole.  I want to sow in them life lessons that will help them make wise decisions.  I want to sow in them the tangible experience of grace.  I want them to know they will make mistakes...their parents will make mistakes, but grace, grace is why we are able to pick ourselves up, forgive, and see all circumstances as opportunities to experience more of who God is.

This is a lot of responsibility. 

I am thankful that I am not alone in the process.  I have the Fly...who is awesome.  He really is.  He loves his kids in a way that I could not have foreseen.  I knew he would be a good dad but he is a GREAT dad.  I am so thankful that I get to partner with him in this sowing season.  I could not do it without him.  When he digs deep for the extra patience or when he rolls around on the ground producing deep belly laughs I feel the tears well up and I thank God.

Love that "Fly Guy"

I am in a sowing season...probably the hardest...but also rewarding.  I move forward knowing my tears have the ability to produce something if they compel me to act intentionally.  I hope they do.  I want to take my sowing seriously so that I can rejoice at the Harvest.

Melts me.

With all this said, I still want to learn how to actually sew.  I have often experienced what is going on with me Spiritually manifest physically:).  So...maybe in this sowing season...I will sew.  And I pray, as my sewing skills increase my "sowing skills" will reap with joy.