The O'Hara Girl

"As God as my witness I will never go hungry again!"  These are famous words spoken in the amazingly over dramatic, closing scene of the first half of the epic film, Gone With the Wind.   (Wow...what a sentence...the nerd in me kind of wants to diagram it:)) I remember watching this movie as a young girl and loving the swelling score, the lavish landscapes, the embellished dresses, the sweet southern accents and the love story between Scarlet and Rhett.  I would sit with my mom and we would watch it on the special VHS edition...real classy. 

Although I didn't comprehend the entire movie and all that it encompassed in regards to the brutalities and devastating effects of war and slavery, the movie still captured me.  It quickly became my "esteemed" answer to the ice breaker question, "What is your favorite movie?"  (I loved answering that question...I thought it made me look like a very "cultured" 14 year old.)  I began to collect memorabilia, posters, pictures, books...anything I could get my hands on. 

One of my favorite memories of this collecting process happened when my dad took me to Universal Studios for some daddy-daughter time.  (I had been caught dating a boy I shouldn't have been dating...another story for another time...)  I was 14, (reason number one why I shouldn't have been dating any boy!) and we were walking through Universal City Walk to get to the park.  There used to be a store there where you could take your picture on a blue screen and they would super-impose you into a scene out of a movie of your choice.  This was before everyone could photoshop from their home computers.  So, of course I had to have a picture done with Rhett Butler!  (Kind of ironic due to the circumstances surrounding our visit, but anyhoo--)   My daddy knew me, and still knows me too well, and knew that I had such an infatuation with anything GWTW that he let me get the picture done.  I took it home and hung it in my room.  It hung there for a very long time, eventually surrounded by a GWTW movie poster, a Scarlett collectible doll and various black and white stills from the movie.



The infatuation then and what intrigues me still was not or is not, Rhett, or Mammy or and any of the other characters, but that O'Hara girl, Scarlet.  I found her fascinating.  Yes, she was manipulative and selfish.  She was harsh and cruel at times.  She was a real pain in the...Neck....but she was strong.  She didn't take anything from anyone.  She had a soured reputation but she was also known for her sheer determination.  It was, and is, that strength and determination, and the lack of concern of what others thought of her that to this day stirs me up inside.


I think it is because I want that.  I want to be strong.  I want to be brave.  I want to say what I think...out-loud...and not care what others are going to say about it.  I want to channel a big, Italian mamma, who doesn't get crossed or messed with because everyone knows she has the ability to take you down.  Scarlet wasn't big or Italian but she could give a look and you would know she meant business.


"Where is this coming from?" you might ask.  Well, there are a number of things that have provoked this stirring inside me in the last few days but the one that put me over the edge was when I went to pick the kids up from the childcare center at my gym.  The room I drop them off in is divided into babies and toddlers.  I was getting the Little Man ready to go when I heard a shrill, determined voice shout from the other side.  "STOP...SPITTING...ON...ME..." were the words that rang out of my seriously tweeked two and half year old.  She had been sitting in a chair reading a book when I a little boy came up to her and started spitting on her.  I had heard the childcare employees correcting a little one about something and I also heard some grunts and squeals but it wasn't until those words came out in such a ferocious tone and with such strength and determination that everyone...adults and kids seemed to fall silent and stop to see what little body could be so worked up. 


I quickly made my way to her and the childcare employee corrected the little boy.  I said to the Bug, "I understand that you don't want to be spit on but you don't need to yell.  Next time say 'Please, stop spitting on me.'"  The little boy was made to apologize and The Bug was encouraged to forgive...which she did...I think begrudgingly.  As we headed out the door and to our car I couldn't shake the encounter from my thoughts.  For the next few days I pondered my words to my Bug...and then, got angry with myself.


Why should she say "Please?"..."Please...stop spitting on me."  When I look back at what happened she had every right to react the way she did.  I began to think about how she is wired.  Although only two and half I can see that this little girl is strong.  She has some very strong opionions, emotions and feelings about her little life already.  I feel that my job is cut out for me.  I want to raise a strong girl who knows that God created her to be strong but to use that strength for His good with integrity and virtue.


I want The Bug to know that God has a calling on her life to use her for good.  I want her to know that He made her with specific abilities and talents that she can use for good.  I want her to be strong with her words and kind...but I don't want her to apologize when there is no reason to be sorry.  I want her to say what she means with dignity and respect even if the recipient might take offense...especially if it comes from a place of truth and conviction.


But there is a problem.  Kids learn so much from our examples...and I fall so short here.  For example, at the grocery store you will often hear me say,"Excuse me, so sorry.  Excuse me, so sorry."  As if I should apologize for doing what everyone else is doing...pushing a cart and filling it.  I realized that I was doing this when The Bug started repeating me. "Skooz me, so surry..."   WHY SHOULD WE BE SORRY FOR PUSHING OUR CART DOWN THE AISLE???????!!!!!!  These are the things that draw me back to my intrigue with the O'Hara girl. 


I just recently heard someone quote something like this..."Nice girls don't change the world."  I googled it to find out who said it and then found this book by Lynne Hybels:

I know it wasn't Lynne Hybels that was quoted but I also didn't think it was a coincidence that I happened upon this book.  This is what she says is regards to how she came up with the idea to write such a thing...

Nice Girls Don't Change the World

Splash.  Splash.  Back and forth in a steady rhythm, my paddle pushed the water and my kayak sliced the waves.  I moved slowly as my thoughts gathered, but faster as my frustration peaked.  The muscles in my arms ached as my jumbled thoughts coalesced into a single sentence:  Nice girls don’t change the world!  Therein lay my frustration.  Since childhood I had dreamed of being a righter of wrongs, a force for good, a soul-soother, a world-changer—a dangerous woman!  But what had I been instead?  A “nice girl,” an innocuous people-pleaser.  Good at going through the safe, socially accepted motions of life, I had lost all sense of passion, giftedness, or dreams.
That would make a great title for a book, my husband suggested later as I spit out my latest kayaking insight.  Oh right.  But his suggestion lingered.  Are there other nice girls out there?  Women living out roles that deny their true selves and violate God’s calling on their lives?  Women dying to come to life?  Should I write for them as well as me? Thus was my little book conceived.

I could not say it better myself.  I don't want to be an "innocuous people-pleaser."  And, I certainly do not want my kids to be either.  I want them to be world changers and forces for good.  So, it's time.  It's time for me to stop.  It's time for me to stop caring so much about what people might say about me, what people might think about me.  These fear producing thoughts no longer only impede me...they hinder my children.   And, if there is anything that would cause me to examine myself and pray for transformation, it is my children. 


The O'Hara girl is at it again in my life.  Her fiery gaze and sheer determination have gotten under my skin in a good way.  I am reminded again of how attractive passionate people are.  At the same time, I am also fully aware of how easy it is for their passion to be tainted, in case you were worried.  But, that is what my prayers are for.  I will be praying for guidance and for my kids daily and I will be praying that the Fly and I are examples...examples of strength, integrity and virtue...and when we mess up...because we will often...I will pray that we will be examples of humility.


I know my kids aren't perfect and will never be while they walk this earth but I also know that "as God as my witness,"  they will be strong and they will be forces for good.

I think I might pick up a copy of that book, Nice Girls Don't Change the World.  Because like I said, this had got to start with me.  I turn 30 on Monday and I'm thinking this is gonna be a really great decade ahead....but more on that later.

For now, it's no more nice girl here, well, you know what I mean...it's okay to be nice but this nice is going to stem from passion and strength.  And, you may hear what I think a little more often...I may ruffle your feathers...and I want to be okay with that.  Because, the only way to raise world changers is to be one myself.